I recently had a coaching call with one of my clients, Doris, from the UK who was feeling a bit remorseful about having to spend another birthday alone. (By the way, if you’re reading this – Happy Birthday!) She desperately wanted to meet her man and have him take her out to a lovely dinner – where they would dress up, go to a nice place, and she could feel the romantic connection with her life partner on her special day.
I asked her where she would want him to take her, and she mentioned a restaurant by the sea she wanted to try. I suggested that she may want to affirm the presence of her man coming to her by making a reservation, dressing up, and taking herself out to that place this year – to more concretely imagine the experience with him. I recommended she could invite a girlfriend to join her on her romantic experience if she didn’t want to eat alone.
I suggested she, “Experience the entire evening exactly as you would want to experience it with your man seated across from you. Wear the clothes you would wear if you were going out with him. Order the meal you would choose. Ask for the table you want to sit at with him. And completely imagine the sensuousness of the evening. Dream it. Feel it. Live it…and it cannot help but become true for you – in time.”
When I spoke with Doris after her birthday, she told me, “I did dress up, spending time choosing a nice outfit and wearing my favorite perfume. I felt attractive…and my friends told me I looked great! Afterwards, I went out for a long walk on my own and imagined myself walking along the same roads holding hands with my beloved.”
Doris went on to explain something magical that happened to her: “It was interesting today at church when Michael arrived. He is the architect that I have been interested in. He sat behind me and after the service we chatted away. It’s the first time I didn’t think of him as being handsome or wealthy, or wondering if he is attracted to me. I just connected with him because he is on his spiritual path, as well. I felt I could really see him for the first time and that because he has been a member of this particular church for 10 years doesn’t mean that he is spiritually advanced, etc. I enjoyed our encounter much more when I let go of my ego and said whatever came from my heart. I feel as though I am now meeting people with my true self for once.”
Remember her initial, predominant feeling of remorse? Our conversation alone turned her feelings around to ones of hope and positive expectancy. Just a few minutes of getting out of her own head, and opening herself up to considering another possibility, completely changed her thoughts and feelings about her birthday.
Marci shared in her Happy for No Reason talk that science has shown it takes 20 seconds to register good thoughts and significantly less time to register bad thoughts. John Goddard determined that the ratio of bad thoughts to good thoughts is five to one. Shouldn’t that be the other way around – don’t you think? Can you see how important it is to work on turning your thoughts around on a daily basis to think more positively?
So, the bad thoughts are creeping in all the time at a much faster rate than the good ones, and it takes longer to solidify the good thoughts. Seems like a daunting task to change your thinking doesn’t it? The wonderful news is that the good thoughts are so powerful that they can actually cause your heart to beat in a beautiful synchronistic rhythm. Thinking good thoughts is good for your health, and the bonus is they also allow you to attract a better man. Two very powerful motivations to change aren’t they?
How do you change your thoughts from bad to good then?
- Stop and notice when you’re thinking something negative.
- Tell yourself – “Cancel that – I didn’t mean to say that”
- Decide what the best replacement thought is.
- Tell yourself that thought instead of the negative thought from now on.
We tend to barrage ourselves with the same disparaging remarks over and over again, so changing one thought can have a huge impact on your day. If you’re thinking a single thought 400 different times in the day and you change just that one thought, your heart will beat in a better rhythm 400 times more that day, and you could possibly end up attracting a 400 times better man.
For example, a common phrase women say to themselves is:
1. “Ugh, I feel fat”
2. “Cancel that – I didn’t mean to say that”
3. Possible Replacement thoughts:
- I’m getting better every day
- I love myself exactly as I am
- I do like my (Eyes, Nose, Teeth, Hair…)
- There isn’t anyone else like me on the planet.
- I am Beautiful, Talented, Intelligent, Funny (whatever your greatest asset is).
4. Rinse and Repeat as often as possible –at a minimum, in place of EVERY time you would say #1.
Back to Doris. Imagine if she hadn’t went through with her envisioned birthday evening? I’m sure she feels heaps better than if she stayed home sulking about not having her man in her life, watching a chick flick that makes her cry and causes her to eat an entire carton of ice cream.
Instead, she spent a lovely evening out with friends, doing something she knows she enjoys, (cuz she chose it!), her heart is beating in a more synchronistic rhythm, and she’s aligning herself more closely with the man who would take her out on a date like this for her birthday, because she’s sending the signal to the universe of what her desires are!
Is it worth it to you to spend 20 seconds today to change one thought that could help you have a healthier heart and could possibly draw a better man into your world?
