Everyone perceives life through their own lens. We all personalize our stories, determine that our childhood was horrible – or just plain sucky – and we choose to stay stuck by rehashing our victim stories over and over again in our heads and to others. It’s a challenging truth to face. However, if you can step out of yourself and look at yourself as someone else would, I believe you would see someone way cooler than the person you see in the mirror.
We are so hard on ourselves we can’t even acknowledge our greatness. When you can notice the good in yourself instead of everything you think is pathetic about you, you’ll be empowered to make lasting changes in your life, the lives of others, and finally be able to attract your man. Pretend you are your best friend writing an introduction of you for an amazing event that’s being held in your honor. What’s awesome about you? Put on your acting hat, give up your modesty and brag girlfriend, because you are INCREDIBLE!
I know it sucks being alone for the holidays, but I promise you thousands of people are experiencing hardship much worse than whatever you’re currently experiencing. While there may be people out there doing better than you, there are also people doing worse than you. If you’re going to compare yourself to others, be equitable in your comparisons, because otherwise you’re just finding reasons to keep beating yourself up.
If you’re honest with yourself you’ll realize that your life isn’t so bad.
- Do you have a place to live
- Food to eat
- Clothes on your back?
- Family who love you?
When it comes down to it, those are the important things, and everything else is just a circumstance that you can change. You can even change the family part by creating your own family if you don’t have one right now or one you’d rather trade in for a better functioning model.
My family is much different than I thought it would be at 45 years old. I thought I’d be chasing after a couple or three kids, creating a happy home. Instead Mario and I get to play with our dog Roscoe every night, and have a different kind of happy home. Sure there are days I wish I had kids of my own, but my girlfriend helped me put that thought into perspective by reminding me that I can be a Mom to any kids, they don’t have to be my own.
Now I embrace the freedom that the family life I have offers me. I get to borrow Mario’s nieces, nephews, and grandkids periodically and not have the stress that raising children can bring. Instead I funnel my energy into building multiple businesses that bring me a lot of satisfaction. I’m raising a different kind of child.
Anyhow, the bottom line is it’s all about your perspective. You can choose to see your life differently and you can begin immediately. Instead of remembering all the bad things that happened to you, focus on some of the good things. Or choose to see some of the bad things as opportunities for personal empowerment. You would not be who you are today without those experiences. Many times they served to make us stronger or gave us a purpose greater than ourselves. Many life paths have been carved out of stories of personal tragedy. My dad died when I was four. My mom spent three – four nights a week at the bar with my stepdad until all hours. I learned to be extremely independent and resourceful. These are traits I wouldn’t change for anything now, and I wouldn’t have them if I didn’t go through what I went through.
This strategy can apply to your beliefs about relationships too. If you believe that all men cheat, recall someone in your past who didn’t cheat on you. Or find evidence of other faithful men that exist in the world, because there are many. If you think that there aren’t any good men left, it’s only because you aren’t willing to see them, because there are tons of them out there also looking for a great gal to spend their life with. I know because I run into them all the time. I run into them because I have a belief that there are plenty of good men in the world.
If you think that you are unlovable, or not worthy in some way, remember a time when did receive love, affection, a caring touch, or validation of any kind and from anyone in your life. It doesn’t have to be from your parents necessarily. We always find ways to get what we need. We just need to stop complaining about what we don’t have and begin to be more grateful for what we do have. Let’s look at good things instead of the bad. Even if it’s just one tiny good moment, you can make that your mantra and have that grow in your subconscious mind to magnetize many more good things into your life.
If you’re feeling particularly lonely and despondent this year, I recommend that you find ways to help others. You’ll realize that you don’t have it so bad after all.
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, animal shelter, hospital or assisted living center this holiday season. (You never know you might meet your man doing the same thing!)
- Create camaraderie by inviting some single friends out for drink or a meal. (One of these friends could introduce you to your man – it happened to me!)
- Practice Random Acts of Kindness by buying coffee for the person behind you at the coffee shop. Pick someone out of the phone book and anonymously send them $20 – $100 just because. Write handwritten notes to your friends and family expressing your gratitude or something you like about them. Write a handwritten note to yourself too and have someone send it to you at a later time.
- Begin doing things that you’ve always wanted to do and never got around to. I regret when I lived in Miami and the Florida Keys that I never learned to scuba dive or go deep-sea fishing. There must be something that interests you that you can explore. It could be as simple as finding a club to play cards. I sought out places that were offering the Cash Flow Game by Robert Kyosaki. I didn’t meet my man there, but I did meet an investment partner, who Mario and I are doing deals with now, and Mario and I played the Cash Flow Game on our first date!
- Play lively music and dance in your living room when you decorate your home for the holidays. Getting your body moving feels good and helps your cells to become invigorated and positively charged to be magnets for attraction. Your face gets flushed, you feel alive, you have fun, and all of those things are sexy! Plan a trip to the store after, your man could be looking for the same type of Pasta sauce you like.
- Clean out a closet, organize your photos, make a success list, or create a vision board. Clearing clutter for clarity is a powerful process to send a message to the Universe that you are finished with the old and ready to receive the new. Clean out a drawer and designate it for your man. Don’t tell anyone until you know it’s time. It will be your little secret until he shows up for you.
When you organize your photos, remain focused on positive happy memories. Think about good times you had with family, friends, and past lovers and remind yourself of how good your life really has been. Creating a NEW vision board is also extremely powerful, because creative projects are very therapeutic and it helps you to get very clear about your preferences. So dust off that old one, pull out your magazines and your computer images, and begin cutting and pasting!
Your life isn’t as bad as you’ve made it out to be in your head. Feeling sorry for yourself and fretting about it are coping mechanisms that helped you as a child which no longer serve you now. Your mind is extremely powerful, and is also basically just a computer, it can only put out what you put into it, so why not input empowering, loving thoughts about yourself, your life, and beliefs about others. We can find evidence to support any thought we have, so let’s find evidence that supports what we want in life instead of what we don’t want.
You can have an amazing life, filled with the work, people, and circumstances that you love and enjoy. You just need to believe that can be true for you and it all begins with changing one thought today. Why not start by observing and helping others this holiday season to shift your perspective from “Poor me”, to “How can I help them.” When you get out of yourself and into others, suddenly your life looks so much better. It’s just a shift in perspective, which is the definition of a miracle. Why not create your own holiday miracle this year? It’s all up to you!
